Can anyone truly walk in another person’s shoes? I remember a 1970s song by Joe South entitled “Walk a Mile in My Shoes” that implored us to not judge another person until we had walked a mile in their shoes. It was a pleasant aphorism that resonated with the “Love Culture” of the times, but was terribly naive, to my way of thinking. I understand the concern that people are too quick to judge one another. In fact, if I understand my Bible correctly, we are not to judge people AT ALL. (That is God’s prerogative.) But back to the issue, it’s easy to form opinions of people and react to them in a certain way. We are hard-wired by God’s design to size up situations quickly and to react to protect ourselves. If we were not, I’m not sure how well we could have populated the world, given all the dangerous animals and situations that abounded in primitive times. Even today in a bustling city like New York, if you’re not quick to reverse your first step into the pedestrian crossing when a texting cabby shoots through the red light, you’re going to lose!
But we can’t blame our quickness to judge on survival traits. Sure, one looks a stranger over to decide if they are dangerous, particularly these days and if we are alone. But what if the little voice in our heads says the stranger is not an immediate threat? We’ll take a second look, and based on our cultural biases, come up with a socio-economic summary in a minute. I’m not saying that it is necessarily correct, even a little bit, but people can either dress and act in a manner consistent with their background or go with what they wish to project. Take myself, for instance. I’m from a lower-middle class, Midwestern background, where my father was a blue-collar worker and my mother stayed home full-time. My mother usually wore blue jeans and a short-sleeve cotton shirt during the work day, as she was the one doing the housecleaning, baby changing, gardening, cooking, and everything else around the house. She was sure to brush her hair & put on lipstick if she went to the store, but not necessarily change clothes. I find myself looking just like that when I’m at home! But I have another persona that she didn’t - that of a professional woman working in a man’s field, and I wore different clothes that reflected my attitude when I went to work. I intentionally did not wear dresses or fancy outfits that other women in the office wore because first of all, I never knew when I would have to go to a construction site, but more importantly, I wanted to project a no-nonsense professional attitude, so I would be taken seriously. It made it easier when the construction manager approached me, because of my outfit and the way I carried myself (often with clipboard or a roll of drawings in hand) for him to identify me as someone he might have to listen to. Had I worn high heels and a short tight skirt, he might have looked harder at me, but not in a professional manner! I guess what I’m trying to say is that sometimes a person projects a strong image that is at odds with who and what the person is about, either consciously or not. Not everyone read and followed Dress for Success. I have lived in several parts of this country and been told more than once about a local person who looked as if they were an everyday working stiff or even a bit down on their luck, but was purported to be richer than Croesus.
Today’s “shock” looks include lots of tattoos and face metal, on top of unconventional clothing. Racial differences lean more to Balkan and Mideastern immigrants who are looked upon with suspicion. Joe South’s song of 48 years ago is as pertinent today as then. After that second look, do you assume, if a man wears a dishdasha (white robe) and sirwal (loose-fitting trousers) that they are terrorist sympathizers? Or if they have a strong accent, that they are untrustworthy? That’s going far beyond checking out a person for who or what they are, to be assigning character traits based on appearance. And what happens next? Do you change the way you treat that person? Sit for one hour in a waiting room of any clinic or government agency, and you will see many examples of people adjusting how they interact with others, based purely on appearance. The woman at the counter may ignore a less-than well-to-do client while she chats with her coworker and then turn with a look of long-suffering that she has to wait on this “person,” yet perk up like a watered lily if a smilingly confident and double-breasted suit walks up. Those who are waiting will do the same. You will see subtle shifting and readjusting of people when someone they perceive as on the edge of society sits near them. Eyes will dart sideways and purses may even be relocated!
When I was 18 and still living at home, I remember an argument I had with my mother on the subject of appearances. I felt she was far too interested in what the neighbors thought, based on my actions. I worked second shift at a local factory and my personal time after work was far later that she felt appropriate for my age. I was angry that day, because I had done absolutely nothing more than drive around town and have a late supper at the local railroad hotel/restaurant, which was the only place open. She knew that, but felt my coming home at such a late hour would have the neighbors wondering. I understand she was concerned, because she loved me and didn’t want to subject me to gossip. (This was a time and place when it wasn’t nearly as unsafe for a single woman to be out at night by herself.) I didn’t care then what the neighbors thought, and to this day, I don’t particularly care what someone I don’t know and who want to spread lies, thinks. (Don’t fret what you have no control over.) But I do know that my family and friends might care, so I am more cognizant of situations. Also, this Sunday’s Bible study in I Corinthians explored the concept of watching your actions that you not lead someone to sin. What you are doing may be perfectly fine, but it might be a stumbling block to a weaker brother or sister in Christ. This is a tricky road to negotiate, and one could say it could be perceived as hypocrisy. For example, a youth coach might reconsider going into the local liquor store to purchase a six-pack of beer, not because he believes drinking a beer is sin, but because one of his players might see him and extrapolate that Coach is going to get “loaded.” Is it hypocrisy if the man has his wife pick the beer up at the grocery store and then has one at home? No, I don’t believe so. It’s just watching that you don’t lead someone to sin. Even Paul the apostle said in I Corinthians 9:22b “I have become all things to all people so that by all possible means I might save some.” He was willing to do whatever he had to, to win souls for Christ. With such an important mission, is it really any different from “dressing for success”?
Closing Words: Don’t be quick to pigeonhole someone based on their outward appearance, but be cognizant that others may judge you on yours.